Alright you crazy melons?
Welcome to the crazy world of wedding traditions
Some traditions are great, like stuffing your face with pancakes on Pancake Day (only 266 days to go!), or spending time with your loved ones at Christmas. Some traditions are crap, like the Queens guards having real bear skin hats, because bear skin is for bears and it’s gross and nasty. It got us thinking about traditions, and how some are great and some just aren’t, and how this fits into weddings. We thought we’d have a little look at how some people have done things in a different or unique way, with a series of blog posts about bucking the trend.
The name of the game.
When it comes to names, some people like to stick with tradition – The bride takes the grooms surname, and if that’s what you want then that’s totally valid and fine. But what about those who don’t really want to? Or what about when there are two lovely brides and not a groom in sight? What if your husband-to-be has the name equivalent of a turtleneck jumper – There’s just no way of making some things look good, and ain’t nobody got time for having a name that makes you cringe every time you say it.
Today we’re looking at the different options, and what played a part in each of these lovely people’s decisions.
Alex & Hannah
“My bride and I decided that we would both double-barrel our current surnames because we both felt that keeping our names was important to us personally, but at the same time we wanted to share a name that we could potentially pass down in the future. This felt like the best way forward as we both get to keep our names while also sharing a name. The traditional idea that the bride should take the grooms name is a little outdated now and should always be an individual’s choice.”
Rob & Kim
“Being feminists/egalitarians we didn’t think it right to follow the patriarchal norm of marriage naming. Double barrelling each other’s names didn’t seem right either. We’d decided to just make one up (it fit with the irreverent, creative yet meaningful way we live). We chose Neith (Egyptian goddess of marriage and the Earth and we liked the sound). We each took it with our own surname (Neith Nicholson for me). Our son we decided to name just Orin Neith. From my point of view I think that surnames/names etc are inherently meaningless and as worthwhile as borders, flags and nations.”
Srijana & John
“Double barrelling surnames was kind of instigated by my husband. He felt it was important to carry on my family name too and show 2 cultures (we were both born in England but my family is a mix of Indian and Nepalese), as well as families, mixing together, which my family obviously all loved him even more for!”
Alicia & Martin
“I haven’t taken Martins name, we agreed that it was a leftover of misogynistic patriarchy and wasn’t needed as he didn’t own me! And my name is me! Saying that, we’ve had a bit of trouble cashing cheques written to Mr and Mrs Parsons!”
Georgina & Ben
“I had always felt strongly about keeping my own name. It wasn’t really about keeping my family name alive, but about keeping my own identity alive. My husband Ben was so supportive when I told him this, but understandably upset that we wouldn’t be sharing a name and so a double-barrelled surname was discussed. I thought to keep the peace with our families we would each put our own surname last, but Ben refused. He said that the point was to create our own surname and if I was willing to add his family name, he was willing to add mine. It didn’t matter which order it was in to him, as long as we were together.
Ben adding my surname last has raised a few eyebrows in both families, but I’m so happy of our decision to become the Ryan-Casling’s and I think it was a perfect way to begin our journey and new clan together – with compromise and love.”
Rebecca & Dan
“I always knew I didn't want to give up my name completely and as we're in the 21st century, I shouldn't have too. We also wanted any future children to have the same name as me, so instead of just me going double-barrelled, my lovely husband decided to as well. That way our children will have both of our names. To be honest the Ashton-Gordon order sounded better in our heads than the other way round haha. That was the only reason for that!”
Christen & Ben
“The main reason I’ve never changed my surname is that I love it so much… I’ve lived with it for nearly 30 years! It would feel so weird to change it. My husband would like me to change it to his, and maybe I will in the future. I don’t feel tradition plays a large part in marriage any more. It’s more fun to be different and unique!”
Kimberley & Emma
“It wasn't a traditional wedding between a man and women, so we didn't feel like we had a tradition to follow! Neither of us wanted to lose our names and take the others so we just decided to keep both double-barrelled.”
So there you have it. There’s no right or wrong answer, just remember that you don’t have to follow tradition. The choice is very much yours and yours alone. Keep an eye out for upcoming Out with the old, in with the new posts, as we look at the many different ways marriage and weddings have changed.
Love from Lucy Can’t Dance x
Photography by Jodi Hanagan
Makeup by Claire Marie Makeup
Venue: Lodge Farm
Models: Meg Biffin, Tara Clarke & Van Warner